We pay too much in taxes, and government should be run like a corporation. We hear this constantly from all quarters, but most importantly from our best and finest, i.e., the captains of failed industry and the CEOs of Ponzi-esque investment companies. Fortunately, there is a simple solution which addresses all of their concerns: Free Market Taxation.
It’s that time of the year when the IRS pilfers our pockets. Nobody likes that much, so it seems a fitting time to consider how we might reform our tax code.
We pay way too much in taxes. If government were run like a business in the free market, taxes would be fairer. With that, too much of our taxes support socialist programs, and the rest of us should not be picking up the tab, or even part or the tab, for people who won’t put in their fair share. The problem is, we have created a culture of entitlement. There are too many goldbricks who enjoy the bounty of our Providential gift, but who don’t care to contribute and make the hard sacrifices that democracy requires.
After all, this is the greatest country in the world. No one should get to slide by.
These comments, alas, are not original to me. There are strident voices that have argued these points for many years. So for some time I have been considering how we might do away with the IRS – as many of those same voices desire – and completely restructure our taxes so that they are fair for everyone.
Free Market Taxation
I have finally come up with the perfect solution: each American should only pay whatever taxes he or she chooses.
Every mid-April, once we have figured out how much we earned in the preceding year, the government would hold a month-long live auction among American households to see who gets to stay in the country after January 1st of the upcoming year. The winning bidders retain their citizenship for another year. Everyone else is free to go, and is released from taxes and other governmental obligations.
It’s Free Market Taxation.
Bidding by Tax Bracket
There are a couple of caveats. Bids would have to be made by percentage of income rather than total contribution. A country comprising no one except shady hedge fund managers, the CEOs of insolvent banks, and upper-level management of bailed-out manufacturing concerns just won’t cut it.
Face it, somebody has to sweep the floors.
So to maintain a complete array of services and skill levels, bids will be broken into income levels by $10K increments. For free market taxations to work, each household will be bidding against other households in its tax bracket.
Conservative business leaders have taught us that a fair price is ‘Whatever the market will bear.’ Since we they want us to run government run like a business, we should structure our taxation schedules based on that fundamental capitalist idea.
So we need to allow the rest of the world to compete. The first reason for this is that we will need to replace those people who decide that being a US citizen isn’t worth the full price.. So we will need immigrants to replace the emigrants.
Second and equally important, by opening up the action to the whole world we will get the largest number of bids. So free market taxation insures the free market price of freedom. America will get the best and fairest price for citizenship.
I know conservatives will greet world participation enthusiastically. Outsourcing US work has proven to be such a highly profitable business strategy. Outsourcing US citizenship should be even better.
Best Business Practices
In one fell swoop, this approach simultaneously solves so many of our problems. First of all, it insures that no one will ever feel that taxes are too high. Those who believe that they are over-taxed won’t have to pay any more. They will be welcome to pursue the free market options among the 197 other countries of the world. The savvy consumer will want to shop around for better deals.
Free market taxation also insures that the US is run according to best business practices. A good business should never leave money on the table. You never know, there might be people – probably those damned tax & spend liberals – who are willing to pay even more in taxes.
Triumph of Free Enterprise
On the other hand, we must remember that America is exceptional because American Exceptionalism proves it. Given that taut tautology, standard business practices require that we demand premium pricing for being best in field. So we might very likely arrive at the happy circumstance where a lot of people choose to pay more taxes, particularly when we include foreigners in the bidding. But unlike the constant harping under our current, grossly unfair system, people under the new plan will be enthusiastic about paying more taxes: first, because they have freely chosen how much they are paying; and second, because they will joyfully recognize their taxes as entirely fair, and a triumph of free enterprise.
A few disgruntled oddballs may complain about increased taxes, of course. But anyone who objects obviously does not completely embrace Adam Smith, the entrepreneurial spirit, and the perfection of ‘the unseen hand’ in every aspect of life. So they are unpatriotic because they don’t want to be here, and they are unpatriotic because they don’t respect the free market privileges as described in the Bill of Rights.
One attractive aspect of this plan is that it will expose anyone who has been paying less than his fair share of taxes, including perhaps some of those shady hedge fund managers, CEOs of insolvent banks, upper-level management of bailed-out manufacturing concerns and the additional rare one-percenter here and there. That’s important, because currently the rest of us are carrying those rich people along; we have been underwriting the cost of their citizenship.
And that’s socialism. This plan will nip that Marxist cancer in the bud, before it can contaminate the country further.
This plan also eliminates the IRS. No more deductions, no more filings, no more audits. Every April you report your gross income, and place your bid. Every month you simply pay your bid, or leave the country.
Eliminating the Biggest Entitlement
And finally, this fresh, fair approach to taxation will get rid of a previously unrecognized problem, the largest and most-abused entitlement program of them all:
Permanent, irrevocable citizenship.
There are simply too many people who smugly enjoy the widest variety of government benefits – defense, police protection, roads, universal education, public waterways and parks, libraries – and then constantly snipe about the real costs, and the heroic sacrifice that freedom constantly demands. It has been rightly said that government should provide a safety net, not a hammock.
This plan eliminates from our shores those who take our vast luxury and tremendous privileges for granted, those who treat the fruits of our country as some sort of inalienable birthright, and then kvetch about the price.
Those ingrates need to leave, so that the rest of us can get on with the serious business of running a democratic government.
So in fell swoop, Free Market Taxation implements the topics with which we opened this discussion, which are also three of the conservatives’ biggest goals: fair taxation; elimination of socialist government programs; and elimination of entitlement programs.
IRS Raid courtesy of Conscience Of Liberty blog.